dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
