he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
