Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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