Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
