people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
