Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
