some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
