I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
