Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
