Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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