The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
