it was like his penis was on wheels.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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