i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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