I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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