R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
