I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
