she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
