I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
