I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize