I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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