why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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