dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
