i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
