so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
