weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
bring money and cleavage
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
