I want to have your abortion
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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