You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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