I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
how does that bad decision feel?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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