i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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