I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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