You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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