When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
