if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
