Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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