Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
