As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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