dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
FUCK WHALES
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
