Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
