i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
