lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
