I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
