goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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