Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
