just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
