I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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