I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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