is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
