i barfeds in our rink
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
