I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
