felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
