How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Boobs are out for the taking
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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