Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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