They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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