And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
