Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
