Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
