Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
