he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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