Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
