thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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