she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
