Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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