Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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