He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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