Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
