We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
