Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
