So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
