your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize