If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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