my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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