Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
